A Lesson from Vienna
This spring, I visited a cousin, Father Peter van Meijl, who is a priest at Michaelerkirche, a beautiful church in the heart of Vienna. He said something that stayed with me:
“Everything in life is a joy and a burden.”
He explained how this elegant church, with the largest baroque organ in Vienna, brings joy to so many. People come from all over the world to visit. It’s a joy. And it’s a burden. There’s a lot of work and financial commitment to keep it all going. He described the same notion of joy and burden when we visited the historic Barnabite library. His words stayed with me, and I think of them often. In relation to caregiving, they have special meaning.
The Two Sides of Care
Caring for loved ones can be such a joy — even in small, quiet moments that may not seem meaningful to others. Yet, the many responsibilities can also feel like burdens. Sometimes it’s challenging to acknowledge the burdens because we feel we should be grateful and loving. And yet, something in us reacts — resentment that we’re missing out on other activities, regret that the final years are filled with suffering, wishes that things were different or that others helped more. We may feel guilty about these feelings, and yet it’s easy to get stuck in reactive patterns.
Raising Awareness in Caregiving
Over the past ten years, I’ve contributed to caring for my aging parents. First, my mom suffered for six years with Alzheimer’s Disease. When she passed in 2022, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. I don’t live nearby, so the bulk of the caregiving falls to my sisters. Yet, I contribute where I can and have had to navigate the challenges of distance.
Coming from a family where we were taught to work through struggles rather than talk about emotions, this experience has forced me to become more aware of my patterned reactions and to deal with them.
It’s more than simply caring for my parents — it’s supporting my siblings and their families without neglecting my own. It’s about belonging, responsibility, and finding a way to be more at ease in the midst of it all.
I often find myself sitting with this question:
“How can I be present in a caregiving role without getting entangled in my autopilot reactions?”
How Logosynthesis Helps
This is where Logosynthesis® has been so beneficial for me. It offers a structured process to notice what bothers me without judgment. My reactions and distress are just energy, frozen in a memory or belief. And I can use a simple technique to release what is blocking me.
Recognizing that I am simply reacting is liberating in itself. Yet without using the technique to shift what’s stuck, the memories and beliefs continue to control my thoughts and behaviours.
Everyday Caregiving Moments
What does this look like in everyday life?
- Noticing when I’m having the same conversation over and over again.
- Feeling worry or frustration as tension in my body.
- Dwelling on things that I can’t change.
Growing up in a large, busy Dutch-Canadian dairy farm family, I learned that working hard and fast was how we coped with everything. It’s not about judging these patterns — they helped us survive and thrive. But when I shift my energy bound in these patterns, I notice something new:
“Life doesn’t have to be so busy.”
I can sit quietly and simply enjoy a moment with my dad. It’s a shift from doing to being. And maybe that’s the lesson we’re meant to learn through caregiving — that caring isn’t about who’s right or wrong, or who’s doing the most. Each of my siblings does things differently. I can respect their ways, while staying centered in my own approach.
Embracing the Joy and the Burden
I recognize that my situation — caring for elderly parents — is just one version of caregiving. Each person’s experience is unique. You may be an only child, or you may be responsible for a child who struggles with disabilities. I share my story not to say how it should be, but to invite you to pause and reflect on your own experience.
Life happens, and it’s not always easy. Yet when we can release what bothers us and find peace in the middle of challenges, we begin to see something deeper — our human potential to embrace both the joy and the burden of life’s experiences.
We don’t have to change our whole life to feel that peace. Sometimes, it’s enough to shift how we react within it.
You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re looking for guidance on how Logosynthesis can support you personally or if you wish to connect with others sharing similar experiences, let’s connect.