Being right isn’t usually a problem. In fact, being right can be useful. Our experience, knowledge and expertise help us make decisions, solve problems and navigate the world. We need to be able to form opinions, make judgments and stand behind what we believe.
But there is a difference between being right and being stuck in being right.
When we are simply right, we can still be curious. This can mean having a strong opinion while remaining open to new information, or listening to another perspective without feeling that we have to give up our own. We can say, “This is what I believe based on what I know,” while still recognizing that there may be something we don’t know.
When we are stuck in being right, something changes. Our certainty can become more important than our curiosity. We may feel a need to defend our position, correct what we see as wrong, or have someone else acknowledge that we are right. What challenges our perspective may be dismissed before we have really considered it. And often, we don’t recognize that this is happening. From our perspective, we may simply feel that we are seeing things clearly and that the other person is the one who doesn’t understand.
I know this because I have experienced it myself.
How I learned to be right
I grew up in a hard-working farm family where doing your best was valued. My siblings and I gained a reputation in our small school for being smart, and with that came recognition and rewards. Doing well was important and noticed. Knowing the answer was valued. Getting things right was natural.
Our experiences on the farm and within our family reinforced this way of thinking. There was often a right way and a wrong way to do something. We learned by watching, doing and working together. When something needed to get done, you figured out how to do it properly, and you learned from the people around you who already knew how.
Looking back, I can see how naturally the belief developed and was reinforced: I am right. And I recognize that belief served me very well.
When I went to university, I gravitated toward the sciences, where there are often accepted answers and clear ways of determining whether something is correct. I loved learning and understanding how things worked. I worked hard, did well and continued to receive recognition for knowing the right answers.
This pattern followed me into the workforce. Being knowledgeable, prepared, accurate and able to provide answers was valuable. What I didn’t recognize at the time was that something useful was gradually becoming something more rigid.
I was stuck in being right.
When being right becomes more important than being curious
Over time, I became increasingly focused on correcting what I perceived to be wrong because it was important to me and to those around me. If I could see the answer, and someone else didn’t see it, I wanted to help them see it too. Nuance became more difficult to appreciate when I was looking for the right answer.
And something else began to fade: curiosity.
In my quest for speed and accuracy, my curiosity to learn more or explore another person’s perspective faded. I could be quick to react when I perceived something as wrong. I didn’t always recognize the impact that my reactions had on others. Nor did I pause to consider why it was so important to me that something be corrected. If I was right, why wouldn’t I say so?
That is the trap. Being right can become its own justification. The more we are rewarded for knowing, succeeding and having the right answers, the easier it can be to overlook what happens when that same pattern begins to affect our relationships, our conversations and our ability to explore.
I wasn’t consciously choosing to become less curious. Nor was I consciously deciding that my perspective was more important than someone else’s. I simply didn’t recognize how strongly I had become attached to being right. And over time, people with different opinions and ideas became quiet.
There is a difference between being right and being stuck in being right
This distinction matters because being right is not the problem. Our knowledge, experience and expertise are valuable. There are times when we need to know what is right and what is wrong. There are times when we need to make a decision and stand behind it. The difference becomes visible when we are challenged.
When we are able to be right without being stuck in being right, we can remain curious. We can listen to another perspective, consider new information and even change our mind without experiencing that as a threat to who we are. We can disagree without needing the other person to be wrong.
When we are stuck in being right, our certainty can become more important than our curiosity. We may listen primarily to identify what is wrong with someone else’s argument. Our focus may be on correcting rather than exploring. We may dismiss something because it doesn’t fit with what we already know. And because our position feels so obvious, we may not even recognize that we have stopped being curious.
Why is it so difficult to think differently?
We often assume that if we are stuck in a particular way of thinking, we should simply be able to think our way out of it. Someone gives us another perspective and we understand what they are saying. We may even agree with them intellectually. Yet somehow, we still feel exactly the same way.
This can be particularly frustrating when someone tells us, “You just need to look at it differently.” If it were that easy, we probably would have done it already.
Our reactions are not always created by what is happening in the present moment. Experiences from the past, the meaning we have attached to them, and the mental imagery connected to those experiences can continue to influence how we respond today. Something happening now can activate something from the past, and suddenly our response feels completely justified.
This is one reason why trying to change our thinking purely through cognitive processes and logic can be difficult. We can understand another perspective intellectually without actually becoming more open to it. Something else may still be influencing our experience.
And sometimes, that influence is so familiar that we don’t even recognize it.
What are we missing when we already know?
The cost of being stuck in being right isn’t necessarily that we make the wrong decision. Sometimes our decision will be exactly right.
The cost is what we might not see because we have already decided what is true.
This matters enormously for innovation. A new idea rarely arrives fully formed and obviously correct. It usually begins with exploration, questions and possibilities that may initially seem impractical or even wrong. If we quickly dismiss an idea because it doesn’t fit with what we already know, we may never discover what could have developed from it. This is true whether it is our own idea or one someone else presents to us.
It matters in teams too. When people become invested in proving that their approach is the right one, conversations can quickly become about defending positions rather than exploring possibilities. People listen for weaknesses in someone else’s argument instead of listening for something they might learn. The conversation becomes about who is right rather than what might be possible.
And it matters in our personal relationships. We may decide that someone doesn’t listen, that a relationship can’t change, or that a particular situation will always be difficult. Once we are certain, we may stop looking for evidence that something different might be possible.
We don’t necessarily need to change our conclusion. We simply need enough space to question whether it is the only conclusion available to us.
What if we didn’t have to change our mind?
This is one of the reasons I find Logosynthesis® such an elegant approach.
Logosynthesis isn’t about right and wrong. It doesn’t ask us to replace one thought with a more positive thought. And it doesn’t require us to accept somebody else’s perspective because they believe it is correct.
Instead, we can become curious about what is influencing our experience.
What is it that I am reacting to? What memories, beliefs or other mental imagery are connected to this situation? How am I experiencing this conviction? What is creating the tension around it?
The Basic Procedure provides a way to identify and shift the influence of experiences and mental imagery that may be contributing to our stuck and patterned reactions. And when that influence shifts, we don’t necessarily end up with a different opinion. What can change is our relationship to the opinion.
We may still perceive that we are right. But we may no longer feel that we have to prove it.
We may be able to hear another perspective without immediately rejecting it. We may stay with a question a little longer instead of rushing toward an answer. And we may even become curious about something we were previously certain was wrong.
This is something I have come to appreciate through my own work with Logosynthesis. The goal isn’t to make me less knowledgeable or less discerning. It isn’t to stop me from recognizing when something is actually wrong. The work is to create enough space so that I can choose how I respond rather than automatically reacting to what I perceive as wrong.
Creating space for possibilities
Perhaps this is where being right and curiosity can coexist.
We don’t have to give up what we know. Nor do we have to pretend that every perspective is equally valid. We don’t have to become indecisive or avoid making judgments.
We can simply become more interested in what happens when we leave a little space around what we believe.
What if I don’t have to correct this immediately? What if I could listen more attentively? Is there something here that I haven’t considered? How is my physical experience influencing how I am seeing this situation? What if I can be right and still be curious?
For me, that last question has been particularly important. I don’t think I needed to stop being someone who values knowledge, accuracy or doing things well. Those qualities have served me throughout my life. What I needed was to become aware of when those same qualities were limiting my ability to explore.
And perhaps that is true for many of us. The patterns that limit us today – including those we don’t recognize – may be the very patterns that helped us succeed in the past. Something that was once rewarded can eventually become restrictive if we are no longer able to choose when and how we use it.
Being right isn’t the problem. Even being certain isn’t necessarily the problem. The question is whether we are stuck in patterned stress reactions when our knowing is challenged and whether our certainty leaves room for curiosity.
Because sometimes the most valuable question isn’t “Am I right?” It is “Am I reactng?”
And when we shift patterned reactions, space opens. And with space comes the possibility of seeing something we couldn’t see before.