How to forgive yourself can be one of the hardest things to master. You’re human. You experience challenging situations that freeze in your memory and also, shape your beliefs. Reliving these experiences can trigger stress responses in the form of regrets, perceived failures, and even shame. Over time, this wears you down and gets in the way of your goals. These patterns can be recognized as ‘frozen’ energy and knowing how to quickly release it is not widely known. But shifting this energy for self-forgiveness allows you to learn, heal, and grow.
Let’s explore why self-forgiveness is essential, the most common struggles people face, and identify a coaching model to allow you to embrace self-compassion and create a path forward.
Why it’s important to learn how to forgive yourself:
When you don’t forgive yourself, you become stuck in stress responses that can negatively affect your health, relationships and work. Often you don’t even recognize the patterns nor the impact. The energy becomes frozen in ‘limiting’ beliefs, which can feel very true yet are simply conclusions you reached from the initial experience. This frozen belief blocks you from letting go.
Forgiving yourself is about experiencing a sense of calm and inner peace. This does not mean that you will erase the past but rather, past actions will no longer automatically trigger your stress reactions. Self-forgiveness allows you to separate your past behaviors or choices from your identity. This frees your energy to ‘be’ in the present. Layer by layer, you will notice more energy, acceptance and compassion to more fully enjoy the present.
Common areas of struggle for self-forgiveness:
Many areas of your life can be limited when you are unable to forgive yourself. The journey to self-forgiveness can vary widely depending on individual experiences, but here are several common areas of struggle:
1. Mistakes or Poor Choices
Many people are frozen in guilt over decisions they now regret, whether related to relationships, career paths, or finances. It’s common to feel that these choices have had lasting negative effects on your life or the lives of others.
2. Hurtful Actions Toward Others
Self-forgiveness is often difficult when you feel you’ve caused pain to others. This can include anything from a broken promise to a harsh word or even a relationship ending.
3. Unmet Expectations and Perceived Failures
It is common to set high expectations for yourself. When you don’t achieve what you feel you “should” have, distressing self-talk, thoughts and emotions can get in the way of your current goals.
4. Missed Opportunities
Looking back, you may regret paths you didn’t take or opportunities you missed. The sense of “what could have been” can be powerful and lead to a persistent feeling of self-blame for not acting sooner.
5. Addictions and Destructive Behaviors
Those who have struggled with addiction or destructive behaviors often find it especially hard to forgive themselves. These patterns may have been frozen over many repetitive situations, making it challenging to see a different path forward.
6. Parenting Regrets
It’s common for parents to carry guilt or regret if you feel they haven’t been the best parent, either due to specific mistakes or a general sense of falling short. This is particularly challenging because it involves your children who you deeply care about.
7. Responses to Trauma
You may hold guilt over how you reacted during traumatic events, like not speaking up or protecting yourself. These responses are normal, yet you may still struggle with self-blame for things you couldn’t control.
8. Not Living Authentically
As life progresses, you may feel regret for not living true to yourself, making choices out of fear or societal pressure rather than aligning with your authentic values.
Each of these struggles are normal human responses which can vary in intensity depending on situations in our current, everyday life. The triggers are energetic in nature and thus, it can be challenging to resolve the distress when you approach it from strictly a ‘cognitive’ or ‘thinking’ approach. But when you learn how to identify and resolve the underlying energetic triggers, you can begin to experience immediate and lasting relief.
Steps to find more ease in forgiving yourself:
Learning how to forgive yourself is a process that benefits from a deeper understanding of our human nature. Logosynthesis is a coaching and psychotherapeutic model that offers a path to let go of distressing thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. And it can even be used for self-coaching as a healthy lifestyle practice! Layer by layer, you will cultivate a greater sense of acceptance and inner peace. Here are some steps to get started:
1. Acknowledge and identify specific situations that require forgiveness.
The journey begins with awareness. Reflect on the specific areas where you struggle to forgive yourself. You can note your struggles at the end of the day or set aside some time for self-reflection. Pay attention to patterns of distress.
2. Recognize that forgiveness is a process.
You’re human with many experiences. Working layer by layer, you can shift let go of stressful patterns so that more of your energy is available for what is important. Embrace forgiveness as an journey toward growth.
3. Incorporate Logosynthesis® as a routine practice.
Logosynthesis® offers a structured, repeatable technique to identify and resolve the underlying memories, beliefs and fantasies that keep you from being able to forgive yourself. In scientific terms, it’s referred to as mental imagery. You may recognize this as the images in your head, the voices you hear or other sensory representations. Logosynthesis® can be incorporated with other healthy lifestyle practices for enhanced wellbeing. The video below offers a guided process to experience the Logosynthesis® Basic Procedure which can be used routinely.
4. Practice Self-Compassion and Patience
Treat yourself as you would a friend—with compassion and understanding. Often when you gain a better understanding of how intense these frozen patterns can be, you will be much more compassionate towards yourself. And when you free yourself from limiting behaviour patterns, you see a path for personal growth. For many issues, this can be challenging to do on your own and finding a coach, therapist and/or a group of people to support, learn and share with can make all the difference.
Free your energy to experience forgiveness:
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you have to forget the past; it means learning from it. Each experience, even those you regret, holds valuable insights. Consider what lessons you can take forward, and remember that every mistake has been a part of your growth.
Forgiving yourself can be very liberating! By incorporating Logosynthesis into your healthy lifestyle practices, you can experience significant shifts to feel more ease in your life. Remember, this journey isn’t about being perfect but rather about letting go of frozen and limiting stress responses. Self-forgiveness invites us all to live more fully and freely. Memories of the past and worries about the future don’t need to keep you stuck in stressful, limiting patterns. You have the power to shift this energy. Below are some ways that you can get started using Logosynthesis® to make meaningful shifts in your everyday life. And don’t forget to grab a glass of water, find a quiet place and watch the guided video below to give it a try!